Seven Things
by WeasleyatHeart99
Summary: Seven Things I'm not suppose to do. And How I did them anyway. Rated for references of self harm. R


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these Character or events that you recognize. They all belong to JK Rowling**

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**Seven Things I wasn't Suppose To Do.**

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**1. I wasn't suppose to write in something that wrote back.**

It was in my book. I didn't know what it was, I was only 11. He was kind. Listening. I mean my brothers, why would they listen to me? They wouldn't. My mother who had six other children not to mention our house guest. No she didn't have time to listen to her daughter. So I wrote, and he wrote back. I went to school and I still wrote. Then it changed. I changed. I lost my mind. I hurt people, my friends. Then I left. I went to the place of the monster that I sent on them. Tom showed up and it all went blank.

I wasn't suppose to write in the diary. Now I know why. It changed me. I left part of me back in the Chamber of Secrets. The old me is never coming back. No matter how much hey want her, my brothers, my mother and my father. She'll never show up again. The old me is dead, and I will never see her again.

**2. I wasn't suppose to hurt myself**.

The summer. They all thought I was happy. I wasn't. No I learned how to hide things. I had to. No one knows what Tom make me feel like. No one knows what happens when you lose your mind. So I put on a mask. A mask that proves to be my saving grace. My mother would never understand. She would understand that part of me, the old me died. So I hid. I hid my pain, my sadness. I hid the fact that I still had nightmares of how I nearly killed my friends, my classmates. No one saw the bags under my eyes, the Egyptian sun hid them well. My shorts hid the rest of my secrets. No one saw what I did. No one saw that I hurt myself. No one saw the scars.

I wasn't suppose to cut myself. But I had to. I had to make the pain feel read. I needed to control something, even if it was just my pain. Tom took everything from me. I needed to find a way to get it back. Still a child that was to be protected but I knew an adults pain. That summer another part of me changed. I grew up. I was no longer a child.

**3. I wasn't suppose to get caught.**

No one was suppose to see the scars. No one was suppose to catch me. Only Fred would know what to say. Only Fred would know why I kept it to myself. He saw them. Only once. Once was enough. He didn't even tell George. He just talked to me. He asked me why. I told him. I didn't want to hide, not from him. He was the only one who would understand. The one brother that wouldn't tell mom or anyone. So I told him. Everything. He didn't talk, he only listened. After I stopped my story he said nothing. He just hugged me. A hug that I never knew I needed. I'm not a crier. I never had been. But he let me cry.

I wasn't suppose to get caught. But it was good that I did. After that, I never cut again. One year of cutting, one book set me off, and one hug stopped me. That summer I had a chance to be a child again. I took it. Once again I changed, this time for the better.

**4. I wasn't suppose to date.**

The Ball. I had fun, though secretly I'm glad I didn't go with Harry. If I did I wouldn't have met him. Michael. He was nice, he listened. Not to anything important, just listened. I danced with him and I laughed with him. No I would never love him. He would never be the man for me, but he didn't notice me. So why not. We got together. We had fun, he never saw me. Michael never knew anything important, he was just a boy. I boy to kiss and to date. No I couldn't love him, he didn't know me. He was a bad loser though. He was never right. So I changed. I chose Dean, still not who I wanted, but closer. Closer to my hero.

I wasn't suppose to date. I did anyway. I wanted someone to keep me from the hell. I'm glad I did. He saw me then. After Dean. Harry saw me. No I never gave up on him. But I wasn't in love with they boy who lived. I was in love with Harry. Harry who wanted nothing more than to have a family. Harry who would do anything for the friends he had. Harry who was a teacher and a friend. I changed again. I fell in love.

**5. I wasn't suppose to go to the Ministry.**

The day. The day of the OWLs. The DA had disbanded. But to us, to Luna Neville and I, it was always there. It was proof that we were not going to bow down to Tom. Tom, I never called him anything else. Always Tom, to myself at least. I learned from the best. So I could go. I could help. Not that he wanted it. He never wanted it. He always wanted to be the Hero. We went anyway. We flew to London and we went in. We never found him. He wasn't there. We fought. There was nothing else to do. I should have known that he would be left alone. He's always alone in the end.

I wasn't suppose to go with Harry to get Sirius. But it was worth it. It was worth my broken ankle. It was worth it. I proved that I was strong. I proved it to them and to myself. We proved that Tom was back. Once again I changed. I now know that I'm worth it.

**6. I wasn't suppose to fall in love with a broken soul.**

The Cup. Who would have thought that a simple cup would bring me him. Who would have thought that he would kiss me. Not me. But I was happy non the less. He listened. I told him everything. He didn't judge me. He only listened and loved me. I could see him. He was broken too. Harry, not the Boy Who Lived or The Chosen One. He was just Harry. The broken boy who needed someone to love him, and someone to love. He was like me, and I needed him. We were just teenagers for a while, just two kids that never suffered. We has our escape from the pain in our past and the grim future. We needed each other. Who would have thought two broken souls would fall in love.

I wasn't suppose to fall in love with Harry. But I did. He left me, he broke my heart. I didn't stop loving him, because I knew that he broke his own heart too. The broken soul I loved walked away, and why he did is the reason I loved him. I didn't change not this time. This time I watched him walk away knowing he would come back.

**7. I wasn't suppose to kiss him.**

A kiss. A kiss to keep us both. To keep me from losing my mind. I lost it once, never again. His birthday present. It was a day before he left. I didn't wait and I'm glad I didn't. I simple kiss was enough. Enough for me. It would hold me till he came back. If he came back. I loved him. No I love him. I needed it. I needed that kiss. More than he did.

I wasn't suppose to kiss my ex. But I needed it. He was going and the chances were he wasn't coming back.

That kiss didn't change me. It held me together. It kept me from changing. As I watched him disappear, I knew that a single kiss would hold me. It would hold me thought the torture of Tom's reign. It would remind me that I needed to be a leader. No it didn't change me, but more than anything it helped me.

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Yes I did a lot of things I wasn't suppose to do, but looking back. I wouldn't have changed a thing. The person I am. She was made my the mistakes I made, the choices I made. The rules I broke. They all shaped me. I wasn't suppose to do those things but it was worth it.

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**A/N So what do you think. Please let me know. ~WeasleyatHeart99**


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